Hey, remember the time I said this? “I never actually beat Donkey Kong 64 as a kid. So, to finally put this little fucker to rest, I’m gonna stream it.” Well, it’s finally time. I’ve got all my affairs in order, I’ve recovered from getting super sick repeatedly, and I figured out why my internet would periodically melt down every few hours! It’s time for the Donkey Kong 64 NIGHTMARE STREAM. DK64 is a game I never finished properly as a kid. I played the game for this long and couldn’t beat it. And since then, I’ve held a grudge. It beat me. But now, at long last, it’s time for the rematch. At 8:30 p.m. UK time on January the 18th, I’ll be streaming this game start to finish. All the proceeds from this stream will go to Mermaids, a charity which works to provide resources and support to young people with gender dysphoria. I chose to support this charity because as a person living in Britain, I find the media discussion surrounding this issue in my country, especially in its tabloids, to be woefully misinformed. And I’d like to do my bit to help support the people who do the hard work of contributing to people’s thinking on an important issue. I chose Mermaids in specific because when they were designated some funding by the National Lottery, Graham Linehan, a comedy writer who did some work on a good show… huh… 20 years ago? Who happens to be a very normal man who’s just very angry about trans people all day nowadays, went on Mumsnet and told them to email a lady from the National Lottery en masse, and now the funding is under review. So well done, Graham! You have a massive audience and the power to choose to fight for progress in all the many forms we need in the world right now, and you used it to make sure some children won’t have access to helpful resources. Well, not really. They’re probably still gonna get the funding, once the National Lottery realizes the outreach they received was a celebrity deliberately telling Mumsnetters to email poor Dawn thousands of fake copy-pasted sockpuppet emails of quote-unquote “concern”. And on top of that, now tons more people know about Mermaids, and want to support them just to spite you! Good job raising awareness for a charity, genius! Please talk loudly and angrily about more people who need support! You fucking trash-man! You piss boy! You prodigious buffoon! So, for this stream the goal is to beat Donkey Kong 64 100%; that means doing everything. I’m even gonna grab the items that don’t count towards the percentage completion score. Even the weird coin no one knew existed for twenty years! It’s gonna be a time? An amount of time will pass. I think the normal charity thing is to go 24 hours, but honestly, there’s no time limit on this thing. I want to destroy Donkey Kong 64. So until that has been achieved, the stream doesn’t stop. I don’t care if I fall asleep. I don’t care if I run out of food! The stream will continue. My contact at Twitch warns me that it’s against the Terms of Service to die on stream, and I do want to keep my Twitch account, so if I need to, I promise I will sleep. But if you donate, the noise will probably wake me up, so thanks to you, the torture never has to end! By the way, speaking of my Twitch channel: Did you know I have a Twitch channel? I don’t bring it up very often. I don’t do branding. No one watches my streams or knows they exist, but the moral high ground is mine! I also have an archive channel on YouTube, where I put up old streams once they’re done. So if you want to watch old streams, they’re there. Check ’em out. Anyway, I hope to see you all there. Have a great night, don’t forget to moisturize, and fuck you, Graham!