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Look at These Assholes: Trump Family Edition | The Daily Show

Look at These Assholes: Trump Family Edition | The Daily Show

The Trump family
has a long history of being assholes. It all started in 1822, when Thaddeus Trump parked
his horse in a handicapped spot. But lately, you could say
they’ve been stretching the limits of how big an asshole
a person can be, starting with
President Trump himself, who has apparently
had nothing better to do than pick fights with children. NEWSWOMAN:
President Donald Trump is going after
a 16-year-old girl on Twitter. Climate change activist
Greta Thunberg was named
Time’s Person of the Year. She’s been known
to chastise world leaders for not doing enough. Trump responded to a tweet
congratulating Thunberg by saying… (reading): Come on, man. The president
of the United States is on Twitter
bullying a teenage girl. Just try to imagine
any other president doing something like this, huh? Like, imagine FDR
doing a fireside chat where he just goes in
on Shirley Temple. You know? Just like,
“My fellow Americans, “this little girl
can’t dance for shit. She’s got worse moves than I do,
and my legs don’t work.” (laughter) Also, also,
Donald Trump has no right to tell anybody to chill,
all right? He is the least chill
human being of all time. Like, if there’s anyone
you wouldn’t want on your meditation app,
it’s this guy. Can you imagine him trying? He’d be like,
“Inhale! And exhale! “Let the air rush
into your lungs “like the criminals and rapists
swarming across the border, “coming to take your jobs
and kill your parents. “In fact,
your parents are already dead! Namaste.” (laughter) (cheering and applause) But I got to admit,
I got to admit, to Greta Thunberg’s credit,
she took it all in her stride. ‘Cause after Trump
tweeted her to chill, she changed her Twitter bio to “A teenager working
on her anger management problem. “Currently chilling and watching
a good old-fashioned movie with a friend.” (cheering and applause) And that’s… That’s phenomenal from her.
And I’m not surprised, you know? She’s 16, so she’s used
to handling temper tantrums from immature boys. I get it. And it’s not just Daddy Trump who’s making headlines
right now, because while he’s beefing
with kids, Asshole Jr. is over here
taking shots at even more vulnerable targets. A new report reveals
Donald Trump Jr. went on a hunting trip
to Mongolia this past summer and killed an endangered sheep. NEWSWOMAN:
ProPublica reports the trip was supported
by both government, and Trump Jr.
got special treatment. NEWSMAN: He reportedly shot
the endangered argali sheep at night using a laser sight. (laughter and groaning) Who is this guy? He needed to use a laser sight at night to take down a sheep? (laughter) This is an animal so peaceful, literally just thinking
about them makes us fall asleep, and he’s coming at them
like it’s a raid on bin Laden. It’s a sheep! An animal so vulnerable it can’t go outside
without wearing a sweater. It’s a sheep! You killed a sheep. You basically went hunting
in a nursery rhyme. Who are you? And, also, what kind of asshole wants to kill
an endangered species? Like, most of us don’t even want to take the last nacho
out of the bowl, and Don Jr.’s out here putting panda bears
in choke holds. “Go to sleep. Go to sleep.” Now, look,
it’s obviously not great karma for Little Bo-Creep
to be killing off a species, so you would think
maybe the Trumps could make things up
to the universe with their family charity. Except this family
is so cartoonishly villainous, they even do charity
like assholes. President Trump will be paying
up to two million dollars to charities
to satisfy his settlement of a New York state lawsuit over his misuse
of charitable funds at the Trump Foundation. The president was accused
of illegally using money from the Trump Foundation
to help his 2016 campaign. Also as a part
of that settlement, the president
was required to acknowledge his misuse of the funds, his children
to undergo training about misusing charity funds, and they must report
to the attorney general if they ever create
a new charity. Yeah, you heard that right. The president had to pay
$2 million because he stole money
from his own charity. Yeah. He used charity money
to make political donations, to settle lawsuits
involving his businesses, and he even bought a painting
of himself to hang at his own resort. Yeah. Like,
if Trump weren’t rich, he’d be one of those people
who pretend that they’re dying just to start a GoFundMe.
You know? He’d be like, “Hey, guys, “the doctor says I’ve got
Ebola-bercu-litis in my Lorax, “and the only thing
that can make me better is to own a giant picture
of my own dumb face.” Now, as you heard, Trump doesn’t just have
to pay $2 million. The court also ordered
his three older kids to attend a training session on how to not steal
from a charity. Yeah. And you might be wondering what that training
would even look like. But wonder no more, because we got our hands
on the video. ANNOUNCER: And now
The New York State Guide to Avoiding Charity Abuse. Don’t steal from
a (bleep) charity, asshole! This has been
The New York State Guide to Avoiding Charity Abuse. So informative!

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