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RealLifeStarter

RealLifeStarter


[ABOVE AVERAGE]>>Hi Thingstarter!
>>Hi Thingstarter!>>We´re parents of two kids in their 20´s, who are unfortunately pursuing unrealistic, creative dreams.>>So our project is a new crowd funding website, that will raise thousands of dollars for young “artists.”>>On the condition they give up those dreams, and get a (BLEEP) job.>>We call it RealLifeStarter. On RealLifeStarter, you raise money to pressure your children into finally starting their adult lives.>>Each annoying creative person will be given their own page, but set up by a responsible individual, like their parents, or loved ones.>>Ooooh.
>>That´s encouraging.>>All of the money goes to the “creative” person. But only if they spend it like an adult. Make a downpayment on a house, buy a minivan, something normal that serves a purpose.>>And they have to get a real job. Real jobs include: Accounting, engineering, working in a cubicle. Anything you get paid to do that you don´t enjoy.>>Your RealLifeStarter donation also pays for trained counselors. To show your children that they are not as special as you told them they were.>>I want you to listen to this tape, of another patient of mine. [TAPE PLAYING] You don´t understand, I have so much to say.>>Wow. What an asshole.>>That was you. 5 seconds ago.>>Kids these days just don´t seem to realize that there are plenty of ways that you can express yourself. Like funny refrigerator magnets, those poems that you can magnetize to your fridge. Or taking one of your favorite pics, put it in a frame that has a magnet on the back. Put that on your fridge.>>Let´s face it. Your son is not gonna become the next The Beatles.>>Your kids. They´re deluded.>>In order to keep them on track, each participant will receive mandatory check-ins from certified Life guardians. [DOOR SLAMS OPEN]
>>Sir. Step away from the guitar.>>Oh my god.>>Sir you need to own at least one suit. You´re 29 years old.>>Look, I get it. I gave up my dream of being in a KISS cover band. But I made the right decision and I know that. I know that. I know it. And we have a great reward for donating to our project. You get your kid back!!>>Take a look at our son, Gabriel. A recovering loser.>>I was in pretty deep. I was writing the word mustache in the shape of a mustache on the upper lips of people in subway ads. And calling it art.
Now I´m a banker. And thanks to my parents, I get to help rich people become slightly richer.>>So please. Donate to RealLifeStarter. Where your kids stupid dreams go to die. [REALLIFESTARTER]>>Hi.
>>Oh, thank you.>>Oh, no problem. Hi Thinkstarter. If you´re like me you´re always opening doors for African Americans. It´s the right thing to do, and it proves you´re not a racist. But, don´t you wish you could get credit for all of this non-racism? That´s why I created iNotRacist. [ABOVE AVERAGE]
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